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On-Line Dating Care and Cautions

- Janice Andrews, M.S.
Licensed Professional Counselor

On-Line dating has it’s own particular cares and cautions that need to be considered to enhance the chances of a successful relationship. We are charged with being "as innocent as doves but as wise as snakes" in defending our spiritual and our emotional selves. To do that takes some knowledge of the dangers.

CARES:

Go slow. If it is real, it will last. A relationship will proceed only as quickly as the most cautious member. Being rushed means not being respected (a red flag).

It is ok to check him/her out. You can tell them you are interested, but that you want some reassurance. Get references. Yes, references. Call the elder and/or preacher at his/her home congregation and ask to have a confidential conversation. Ask for the phone number of personal and work-related friends.

Resolve your own issues from the last relationship, whether break-up, divorce or death. If you have not grieved, been angry and processed through the feelings, you will carry it into this relationship.

Separate this person from the past relationship. He or she does not have to pay for the mistakes of someone else.

CAUTIONS:

Frequent letter writing fosters a false sense of intimacy. Taking time to choose topics and carefully choose words does not mean the other person is being false, but it does mean you are not hearing "real life" responses.

Membership in the Church does not guarantee good character. People remain in the Church for many reasons; not all are there because of a love for the Savior. Check him/her out.

Trust your gut. If something does not seem right, it probably isn’t.

If you decide to meet, do not meet in your own home town. Do meet where you know someone you can trust in that town, or locate the police department before meeting with him/her. Have a cell phone with you. Yes, and even pepper spray. If he/she is for real, he/she will laugh when you tell him/her about it months later.

Do not get physical when you do meet. Physical touch releases oxycotin in the brain which gives you a temporary high. You may not feel "high" about it later.

Be aware of red flags. Do not minimize them. You can love a lot of people that you have no business dating/marrying.