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On-Line Dating advice, learn from the pain of others.

- Jim Foster

General Web Dating Tips (gathered from emails I've gotten):

We sometimes let our guards down because we have a greater level of expectation from people on the site that have similar beliefs as we do. That can and **HAS** gotten some into situations that are unfortunate. There are perverts, mental abusers, physical abusers, sexual abusers, substance abusers and/or ALL AROUND unstable people everywhere. This is not to scare you off - but to REMIND you to keep your guard up when you meet someone.

Please remember that the FIRST rule of meeting people on the Internet is to NOT give away personal information. This ESPECIALLY applies to women!!!! Are you listening? Hope so.

Don't give out your home address. Don't give out your home phone #, home numbers can be tracked backwards for free on the Internet to get your address. Don't tell where you work, you can tell what you do - but don't give them the information to come find you. If you live in a town of 100 people - and you would be the only entry in the phone book with that name - don't tell them your hometown - tell them the name of the next closest big city.

If someone gets upset about you not providing this information? RED FLAG. Walk away. This is a person to be concerned about.

Use the provided anonymous email routing on the site, and chat room until you decide that they are a stable personality. Even once you move onto direct emailing - don't give them your work email - get an free email address from www.hotmail.com or one of the other free providers.

At the same time - there is no way to be sure someone isn't dangerous until you know a LOT about him or her. So - if you've decided this is a good person - and you want to meet? Do it in a PUBLIC place. DON'T let them come to your home to pick you up. DON'T let them come to your work to pick you up. **DON'T** ride in a car with them to where you're going - meet them there. Consider them a stranger. You're meeting a stranger. How would you act if you were meeting someone you don't know anything about? Guess what? You're meeting someone you don't know anything about.

Ladies: A *respectable* man wants a woman that *respects herself* enough to protect herself. Do what you feel you need to do to accomplish that. Don't allow yourself to be pressured to let a guy pick you up at your home. Don't give out your phone number until you decide it's safe. Don't feel pressured to ride in his car. If they are pressuring you too much? RED FLAG. Walk away. Any man that would get upset about these things - isn't the one for you.

Ladies: Get the guys phone number. It's the year 2008 . Live in the now. When you are the caller - it allows you to block sending your caller-id information in the call - so you can talk on the phone and still protect yourself. Dial *67 before dialing and it blocks the sending of your caller-id info. Guys? Intentionally send your caller id info. Again - the safer the woman feels the better.

Guys: Make every effort to keep the woman in a safe situation. The safer she feels - the better she'll feel about you.

If you're sending forwards to several people use the blind carbon copy feature so the person you're interested in can't start harassing your friends if they end up not being a stable person.

If someone is traveling to visit - either arrange for the date to end early enough for the return trip - or plan out accommodations before hand.

Passion sometimes works both ways.

Don't get involved in sexy emails/chats, you're playing with fire.

Along those lines: My mom's fav line is "Don't let the heat of your pants burn out your brain".

Keep things light the first visit. Just a few hours. In public. Daylight hours preferred. Give the 'in person' relationship a calm chance to catch up to the thriving 'electronic' relationship.

Examples of things to watch out for:

• Overly sexy conversation from the start. What are they looking for?
• Asking for money.
• If the person gets upset when you call at an un-agreed upon time - you may need to consider if they are really single (is there a wife/husband at home that could pick up the phone?).
• The 'Wounded Duck' approach. Guy travels to visit you. Evening comes. Time for him to leave comes. He starts implying that he's too tired to drive home. Awww. Poor fella. Can he sleep on your couch? You're opening yourself up to a world of hurt - with the specific possibility of being assaulted (among other things). There *are* other options to allowing them in your home for the night. Think about it.
• "Too Good To Be True" (usually is)
  • Guys: If she's a swimsuit model, drives a corvette and supposedly has lots of spare cash, but you've yet to see any of this? Don't hold your breath. She probably does exist somewhere, but I'm pretty sure that you didn't find her. When she shows up and is the exact opposite of what you're expecting, don't say I didn't warn you.
  • Gals: If he's independently wealthy, wants to fly you to Europe, is tall dark and handsome and would love to show you his private island. But his helicopter is always in the shop, and his mansion is being fumigated? Tell him to keep his private island in his pants and keep looking. If he was legit he wouldn't feel like he had to tell you he has these things, you'd end up SEEING them sooner or later.
• Anger management problems.
• Respect yourself. If you're feeling uncomfortable about someone. Keep it in mind and don't continue contact with them.

We would appreciate it if you LET US KNOW when someone behaves inappropriately towards you either via email, phone, or in person. We can't try and protect you if you don't help us help you.

If you are someone that has been taken advantage of - make it a learning experience and help others by giving them tips and new ways to protect themselves.