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Singles can 'bloom where they're planted' and bear fruit in unencumbered fashion
- Leslie Knight
Used with permission, taken from Christian Chronicle, Feb 2003
In his letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul described
being single as a gift from God. Not only is being single
a gift, but it also frees the individual to wholeheartedly
pursue pleasing Him. In spite of having this wonderful
gift, many of us struggle to grow spiritually in congregations
that are geared toward the survival of the family.
The church's focus on the family is important, since
God ordained that the leadership of the church be entrusted
to men with families. While the church is a family, it
is also a body with many parts, each part indispensable
to the growth and vitality of the church. Singles, that
includes you. The "married church" can't survive without
us! Since we have this gift from God, why aren't the leaders
of the congregations beating down the single person's
door to make full use of his or her time and talents?
Quite often it is because:
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The leadership doesn't think singles
are interested in the work of the church. That may be
because we don't act interested or we tend to disappear
in the crowd.
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The leadership has not experienced being
single for a significant period of time in their lives.
Consequently they may not understand or recognize the
challenges faced by the single in the "married church."
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The leadership may not know quite what
to do with the adult single. Since part of being a leader
includes preparing other men to be elders and deacons,
what do you do with the man who is not married, cannot
marry or may never marry and therefore never be an elder
or deacon? Even more challenging, what about the single
woman, who isn't going to be a wife and mother, either
by choice or circumstance?
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Singles and singles programs are viewed
as being full of problems and more trouble than they
are worth. Unfortunately, we singles created this image
by our actions. Consequently, we have to be the ones
to create a new image.
Singles, it is up to you to see to your own spiritual
growth and thereby help ensure the growth and vitality
of the church. I don't mean to suggest you are in this
alone but rather that as a single, you will need to expend
extra effort to do the things necessary to grow. From
the perspective of another single person, here are a few
thoughts on what you can do:
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Choose a congregation that will help
you get to heaven and commit yourself to that congregation.
As singles, we tend to be highly mobile and unfettered
and therefore uncommitted. Choose a friendly, doctrinally
sound congregation that is small enough or organized
in such a way that you can have opportunities to serve.
Don't allow yourself to disappear in the crowd.
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Get to know your elders. Their job
is to know you and help you grow spiritually. Make it
easy for them by seeking them out. They have a vested
interested in the welfare of your soul and would be
more than willing to help you find your niche.
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Don't wait for the church to decide
it needs a singles ministry. Be a self-starter. Even
just two singles can get organized. Spend time together.
Take on tasks that need to be accomplished. Singles
can be productive without the formal organization of
a ministry.
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No singles in your congregation? Don't
leave. Bloom where you're planted. Get to know the older
members of your congregation and let them be a part
of your life. Some day you will be prepared to mentor
a younger single. Get to know the children and their
parents. Some day those children or their parents might
need insights about life as a single. Being a friend
and offering encouragement is as important as any public
service.
-
Stop worrying about what you can't
do and do what you can. Don't be like the servant who
returned his one talent unused. Do you like kids, but
don't like to teach? Be a co-teacher and help with crafts.
Do you garden? Grow plants or create bouquets for shut-ins
or those in the hospital. Focus on what you like to
do and the opportunity to server will come.
-
Remember that the opportunity to serve
God is not limited to the needs of the congregation.
Ladies, this is particularly important in a time when
women are demanding (and elders are acquiescing) leadership
roles in the public assembly and organization of the
church. The world is full of opportunities for women
to use their leadership and speaking talents in a way
that will please God. Consider being a mentor or volunteer
your talents to organizations outside the church where
your influence can be seen and felt, potentially influencing
other souls to come to Christ.
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When the opportunity to serve your
congregation does arise, be willing to do whatever comes
along, no matter how small or inconsequential it may
see to you. Be responsible and do it well. Remember
that it's about service and what you give, not what
you get.
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Prepare yourself today for the role
you will have tomorrow. The world has changes a lot
since Paul's instruction to Timothy and Titus about
what should be taught to men and women at various stages
of life. However, the work remains basically the same.
The older men should teach the younger men. The older
women should teach the younger women. Are you, by the
life you lead, presenting to the church and the world
the image of a godly single that younger people should
seek to learn from and imitate? How does the Christian
single deal with unemployment? Temptations toward immorality?
Lust?
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Surround yourself with other Christians.
Are there activities for other Christian singles in
your area? Go and be a part of them. It isn't treason
to attend the activities of another congregation. If
an abundance of activities does not exist, talk to your
elders about sponsoring an activity. They will likely
be receptive to an outreach effort even if it is directed
at singles.
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Pray. Develop your communication with
God. As a single, it is your lifeline. Pray that you
can be of service to your congregation. Pray that you
can help your congregation be attractive to other singles
who want to serve and grow. Pray for opportunities to
serve and be open to those opportunities. God will answer
you.
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Study the Bible daily. Singles are
not necessarily more vulnerable to the snares of this
world than anyone else. However, being highly mobile
we don't always have contact with other Christians that
we need for strength to withstand Satan's flaming arrows.
God's Word is our armor and anchor.
As singles, it is very easy for us to become self-centered,
focusing on our wants and needs. It is also very easy
for us to blame the church for our stunted growth without
accepting responsibility for the choices we make that
contribute to our lack of growth. The church needs singles.
Singles are an untapped resource with time and desire
to serve. It is up to you, as a single, to step forward
and make your desires known.
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